I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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