after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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