haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
