Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
