no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
