from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
