I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
