I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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