Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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