I need to stop coming to work sober
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
