He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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