I can tuck mytits in my pants
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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