Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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