This is not my ceiling
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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