My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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