Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
