Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dicks are not precious.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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