Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
