I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
