How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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