You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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