OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
