ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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