just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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