I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
