I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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