I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
