shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
