i wish my penis had a tongue
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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