I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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