Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
