i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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