after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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