Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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