Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
