Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
