Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
