I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
40s are totally the cure
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
