i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
