Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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