I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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