Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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