we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
