Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
