Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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