Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
