One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
