So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
