I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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