made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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