had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Randomize
